‘Jon and Kate’ to do something that rhymes with ‘8’

Jon and Kate GosselinTonight is the night where there is supposed to be some sort of pay off for months of hype regarding Jon and Kate Gosselin. The couple will make a “major announcement” on their show tonight (airing at 9 p.m. ET).

For those needing a refresher, the Gosselins have managed to parlay their ability to have many, many children into the reality show “Jon & Kate Plus 8” on a network that used to be called “The Learning Channel.”

Oh, the things that we have learned! Not necessarily on TLC or the show itself, but elsewhere in the infosphere–the tabloids, the ceaseless entertainment Web sites and TV shows and their ilk. Depending on where you look either Jon cheated on Kate or vice versa (the couple has denied both rumors).

Regardless of what happens tonight, I’m sure the headline writers of the world are preparing to chronicle the announcement with no shortage of plays on the show’s title. For example, we’re all bracing for the headline, “Jon and Kate separate.”

While a separation is possible, here are some other possible outcomes from Monday’s announcement:

  • “Jon, Kate, Octomom set playdate” — think of the ratings if these two child-making dynamos get together.
  • “Jon & Kate to legislate” — if they choose to announce a joint run for elected office.
  • “Jon & Kate to sell plates” — they’re taking their show to QVC.
  • “Jon & Kate EXTERMINATE!” — the couple announces they’ve become Daleks of “Doctor Who” fame with the sole goal of exterminating inferior life in the universe.
  • “Jon & Kate kids to emancipate” — Sure the sextuplets are just 5 years old, but they’re probably old enough to know when to pull the plug.
  • “Jon & Kate fail to placate” — the likeliest headline if the announcement turns out to be nothing but fluff.

Photo credit: AP Photo/TLC, Karen Alquist, File