Noticed on the wires (Reuters via Yahoo! News) today:
Congress Nixes ‘French Fries’ in Fit of Pique
WASHINGTON (Reuters) – France’s refusal to back a possible U.S.-led attack of Iraq triggered a verbal food fight on Tuesday in the restaurants of the U.S. House of Representatives as “French fries” and “French toast” were replaced on menus by “Freedom fries” and “Freedom toast.”
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I composed a little (sarcastic) response putting in my two cents. It goes a little like this:
The whole darn thing is dirty politics — pretty typical from our friends on the right.
I was listening to Rep. Ney on National Public Radio this evening. He brings up the point that our soldiers somehow care about what the U.S. House calls its food and calls it a “morale booster” to the troops. Of course it all makes sense now, because we all know who the true enemy is — the French.
Many people are making mention of the fact that we did the same thing to the Germans — a nation we were actively fighting — during World War I. Of course, it’s been pointed out quite accurately that french-cut potatoes are a Belgian creation, but let’s not let facts get in the way of decent propaganda.
I guess Republicans looked at Iraq and figured out there’s nothing they could really rename. We can’t change “foreign-imported oil” into “freedom fuel” — it might give those damned Greens some ideas. So because we can’t make too much fun of Saddam, let’s mock the French.
So let’s not stop there — here’s hoping America repudiates all things French (because honestly, aside from surrendering every time someone sneezes, they’re not good for anything anyway). It’s obvious we’ll never go to the metric system now. It doesn’t have “French” in the name so maybe they won’t notice (of course no one’s noticed that we’re the only country left in the world that isn’t metric.).
We really should consider dropping out of the Olympics (revived by a Frenchman in 1896). All those smallpox vaccines saving us from bioterrorism? Get rid of them — the original treatment was developed by Louis Pasteur. Speaking of infectious diseases, get rid of pasteurization developed by Pasteur to make milk safe to drink (at least we’ve still got homogenization, but that could go too if the Boy Scouts object).
Let’s raid our libraries and rip out the knowledge imparted to us by Pascal, Fermat and Victor Hugo. The knowledge is worthless anyway — it’s from Frenchmen.
Champagne? The true drink created by French monks is out of the question. Thank goodness for California White Sparkling Wine. Either that or champale.
Of course, I’m waiting for someone to suggest giving the Statue of Liberty back to France as the greatest “morale booster” against this evil and hated member of the Axis of Evil. Hmm, maybe we replace Lady Liberty with a giant metal Ronald Reagan gazing into the dewy morning sunrise — that’s the ticket.
* Steps of off somewhat-battered soapbox and hands it to another before walking off muttering… *
Ryan “Either you’re with us or you’re French” Olson
BTW: giantmetalronaldreagan.com is an available domain name. So is shakeshot.com — a revolutionary shot combination of McDonald’s Shamrock shakes and alcohol (you might laugh now, but wait until someone pays $4 for one at TGIFridays).
So make of it what you will. A little light farce to reflect on a very silly event.
