‘Bulge mystery’ solved

POWAY — While discussing President Bush’s “bulge problem” with a maternal source who declined to be identified, she pointed to a likely hypothesis. She said the Secret Service placed an anti-theft tag on Bush that would trigger an alarm if the president left the area.

Taking it from there, my theory is that the president is equipped with a Lojack which the Secret Service can activate to track Bush if he turns up missing.